The Crowd

Bullies single you out often because you are in some way different to them or what is perceived as normal.In my experience, it started out as being bullied for one thing but then it gradually became more and more things particularly the stupid things such as how I'd done my make up or what music I was listening too  (even though they'd play it non stop two months later). This meant that it got harder to face large crowds of people because I knew that as soon as one person started to make fun, the others would soon join in. Peer pressure plays a large part in bullying and not only did it mean people who came across as being a friend to me when on their own started to join in with the bullying due to pressure from others. Obviously, nobody wants to be a loser for hanging out with the uncoolest person in school, popular and known in most year groups for all the wrong reasons.

These crowds weren't just in my year, they were the year above, the years below. It is intimidating when a group of people who don't even know your name, let alone you call you names and can make you cry almost everywhere you go, you are bound to bump in to one of them, on the school bus, there's a group as on the field, in lessons. I wasn't as clever as my friends so I wasn't always in the same classes as them and the classes where they weren't there were particularly unpleasant. So, I'd sit by myself intentionally and pretend not to hear what they were saying because it was all I could do to hold back the tears. The other thing about bullies is that they are encouraged by reactions and retaliations - even if you say something back, often they'll attack you even further. I was ashamed to be different in any way to the crowd so the more they bullied me, the harder I'd try to be like them with what I wore and what I listened to however if the uncool kid is trying to be like you, it's not really a compliment. It's almost impossible to battle the crowd. It's already been decided they fit in and they don't therefore you can't be liked and are an outcast. The individual members of the crowd aren't necessarily bad people but together they are horrible, all bouncing off each other's jibes. Anything they can find unusual or different about you, they'll pick on and they will feel they have to to be part of that crowd. I hope I'd have been stronger than them if it was the other way around but I can't promise that  would have happened and that is probably the worst thing yet at the same time, it means I can't hate them for what they did to me because I can't be sure that, had it been someone else on the outside, I'd have had the heart to go against the crowd. However, in year 7, I made friends with a year 11, she got bullied too (this was before I did) and I would sit with her even though she got abuse and food hurled at her and consequently, it would occasionally be thrown at me too. The thing about the crowd is they are the weak ones, depending on others for support, for a voice, to be heard or part of something horrible but perceived as cool. If you're being bullied, I urge you to remain strong with this thought in mind and also, the hope that one day someone will refuse to be in the crowd and stand with you instead.

These crowds are interesting because as long as there's someone outside of them, it means that their points are valid and have support. It's about fitting in and standing out at the same time. People are always going to want to be part of that crowd because they fear that if they aren't, they will be the one on outside of the crowd being laughed at however they fail to realize that if they really wanted to or could, they could stop the crowd from being effective and help the person on the outside. So if you can, try not to be part of that crowd. Stand out and fit in for the right reasons.