The Fear 2

Remember the Fear I was telling you about in a previous post? I'm happy to say that I am pushing myself as far as I can in order to conquer it. I'm not sure that It will ever go away because there it's something that is underlying and hard to get rid of no matter how I hard I try. But my fear is fading, I'm putting myself in more situations where I need to face the fear more because that is the only way that I can begin to get over it. It doesn't matter how well I know people at the place,I still get the fear. It's intimidating and while I know most people go to places with others anyway, it's not always like that for me As a lot of my friends live far away from me, it means we often meet up when we're already out which i don't mind. I usually get a cab home by myself too because I can't always sleep at friends. The thing is this can't stop me from going out so I won't let it. The thing is just being invited out is a big thing for me and if I was invited out four years ago, I wouldn't go because the fear was so big. Now I try to take every opportunity although sometimes I still fear that I won't be wanted there, yet people have asked me where I was if I didnt go and it makes me feel a lot better and boosts my confidence. So if the bullies gave you a fear, fight it and face it. Stop and stand up against your fears.

Go at your own pace...

We have this tendency as human beings to look at everyone around us and compare them to our own. We look at the things that we don't have instead of appreciating what we do have. This isn't right. Be thankful for what you have, you don't know how long you'll have it for. I write this because sometimes I look at other peoples lives and find that they go out more than me or have more friends than me or for whatever trivial reason - their life seems better than mine. This was how I constantly felt when I was bullied but then I had reason too.now, I usually look at my life and feel incredibly satisfied with it - especially because I seem to have made substantial progress with my social life. I have gone from being someone who out of fear never wanted to go and mix with others, now I'm often the one out of my group of friends who organises some of our gatherings. I make things happen which I wish I had done in the past. I look at my life and think it's amazing and I might not go out every Friday and Saturday night but I do manage most Saturdays which is good by my standards. Yes occasionally I see those who use to bully me when I'm out and although sometimes they laugh at me - they are usually stunned at the fact im out and dressed up and look a million miles away from that shy , insecure girl they used to attack. Except, I'm not - I am the same girl, the problem they used to bully me for has pretty much gone away and I have more confidence and probably look less geeky but I'm the same person underneath. I have the life I always wanted and dreamed about for years so how can I be ungrateful for that?

The Fear.

Fears, I'm pretty sure everyone has them for some it's the fear of being alone, for others it's the fear of what others think. What's mine? Well i have a few - however my really big one is walking in to a room by myself especially one of crowded people or being told to get in to groups or pairs. This terrifies me because i get scared that i will be left by myself alone And wanted. These are my fears which stem from the bullying I also get scared of asking people things even the little things. This is because I was once ridiculed for pretty much everything I did and whatever said got taken the wrong way, whatever I did always seemed to be wrong. The things is I'm not scared of getting in to a group with people I don't know... I'm scared of being left alone. Im not scared of being myself, I'm scared of being labelled a freak. I know I should t be but we need to Stop & Stand Up for those who may feel left out and invite them in. You never know if the smile is real or fake, whether it's a brave courageous face or a confident face...

Should you change?

Bullying makes us feel like there is a part of us that is wrong and needs to be changed or altered in some way. Often we are self conscious about these things anyway and they have a negative affect on us. When I was bullied, I tried to change almost everything I could about myself to try and fit in with the popular crowd. Looking back, I now realise this was not the right way to go about things because I didn't need to change everything about myself. I didn't need to laugh less ( I laugh hysterically at almost anything), I didn't need to wear more make up to be prettier or starve myself to be skinnier. These people had already decided that they didn't like me so why was I trying so desperately to be accepted by them? Because I felt like I wasn't good enough the way I was. Nobody thats any good for you will ever make you feel like you are inferior to them or that you need to change for them. This applies to friends and partners. If they don't like you the way you are, you should never have to change for them. The people that are however worth it are the ones who dont want you to change but make you want to be a better person, a better version of yourself. I can honestly say that those I'm closest to; my parents, best friend, close friends and guy I like make me want to be a better person for them rather than completely change the way I am. Of course, I always feel I can change or improve things about myself but I'm not going to change just because someone who doesn't appreciate me for who I am says I should. Only change because you want to. Stop and Stand up for staying true to yourself

Ignorance is bliss? Stop and Stand Up: an example

Today on the bus from work to school, one of the younger children from a school was bullying a small year 7. A man realized this and had a go at the boy asking him to stop and asked him to have a go at him instead of the small year 7. The boy retaliated with you're older than me, how old are you though? To this, the man replied: age is irrelevant, it doesn't matter whether I'm bigger or older than you, you're picking on somebody just because they are smaller than you. So pick on me if you think you're so hard. You're a fucking bully. Then the man went to sit next to the bully and had a quiet talk with him. I didn't realist what was going on until I heard them shouting it when I realized I had been at the same bus stop as them, and on the same bus, I felt bad. If a complete stranger had stop and stood up and I hadn't even noticed what was happening around me because I had my headphones in. I wonder if I'd know if I'd have gotten involved and could only hope that I would have. However, now I k now that if I ever witness that situation I would because that stranger has inspired me. It's weird the effect your actions can have on someone without even realizing. I regret that I missed such a situation because I had my headphones in and am going to try to look out for situations such as this in the future. I can't believe how ignorant everyone else on the bus was to it but also and especially myself. STOP and STAND UP because you never know who you may inspire or make a difference to.

Kony 2012

I would imagine that from the title that you all know what this about as it has been shared endlessly on Facebook and other social sites. If you don't know, I recommend that you watch the video on you tube but if you cba, Kony 2012 is a campaign to make Kony, a leader of a rebel group in Uganda who makes children kill their own parents and then become soldiers in his army, girls are sexually abused. Of course, nobody can condone such sickening actions so these campaigners are trying to get the American government to keep their troops there to fight off the LRA. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing but admiration for people that try to fight off injustice but this campaign has got me stuck. The charity that is running things, invisible children support the Ugandan governments army who are not a huge deal better than Kony's. so although, they are trying to make a difference and I applaud them for that, I am
Not sure whether they are genuinely trying to help or if they will improve the situation. However I don't understand the people that hate it because of how mainstream it's become it is good that people are trying to make others aware of the situation and I feel ignorant that i didn't know about the situations before and I support the fact that they are trying to make people aware of the situation. They are doing what we all should, while I don't know where I stand on the matter yet, they are doing what we should all do: STOP and STAND UP for what you believe is right.

Me myself and I - time to be your own best friend

The bullying made me hate myself. They made me think that there something wrong with me because I wasn't the same as them. I had a problem which made me different. I used to think that the fact that I could see why they bullied me made me as bad as them - I thought that I would have done the same thing had I been in their position. The teachers told me that I wasn't that kind of person but I
Never really believed them - I thought I was a crowd follower and would have just jumped on the bandwagon. However, now I strongly believe that I wouldn't have. For a start, how could I have followed the crowd when I was never really in it? I always stood out probably because of that problem. I was always a little different and I was
And am
Now friends with all types of different people from the cliques. I try not to judge or stereotype or make preconceptions about people before I know them and I never let others make an opinion for me. For example, there is this guy I like and we
Kissed in front of everyone at a party however after, people came and told me why he wasn't good enough for me however it didn't put me off because I still saw him as the nice person that I liked. Sometimes friends, parents, colleagues or teachers will advise you against what's good and what's bad but often it is a decision only you can make or a problem that you have to fix yourself. This is when you have to become your own best friend and figure out the best decision for yourself. This includes if you are being bullied because you may be
Singled out by them and
Not always have your
Friends around when it occurs; so
I recommend being your own support system when you can . Learn to love yourself because there is many amazing things a bout you. STOP and STAND UP for loving yourself, as Whitney said it is the greatest love of all ...

Personality Damages

Bullying has influenced me in so many ways- but the worst one is probably the way that it has altered my personality and by that, I mean it has taken away a lot of my confidence, made me quite shy and means that
The slightest negative thing has hurt me. It has made me stronger- but in a way which means I tolerate things and don't let the hurt show. I know everyone gets Hurt sometimes and I'm not asking for invincibility against pain but it would be nice to not always get down about the little things. Im normally happy - on the outside
At least but I just wish that I didn't always have to fake it so much. I also hate the fact that it was the bullies that made me this way- the fact that the y were able to change me in such a negative way. Now the real me only seems to come out when I'm under the influence of alcohol. Of course, there Are people that I feel I can be true too or people that make me feel like I need less barriers up with. I want to be like that with more people and for it to take less time for me to comfortable with others. Lately, I have gradually developed a ' you've got nothing to lose' attitude which is helping significantly with this problem. Please
Don't let the bullies who know little about what a beautiful person you are get you down and affect your personality. They don't deserve to know the real person but they definitely deserve the chance to make that person feel inferior and alter your personality. STOP & STAND UP for your personality which is beautiful and unique.

Does the bullying have a long term psychological effect?

I got a little bit upset the other day at work after I couldn't do what a customer wanted me to and they were rather harsh towards me. She was a little patronizing. Luckily my manager came to handle the situation and after, he took me aside, I ended up crying and thought he would have a go at me but instead, he told me he understood and told me to calm down. I can't help wonder that if my over emotional reaction to that customer is something
To do with my past experiences because sometimes I do get upset about things that I know I shouldn't but they hurts deeply and I don't know why. The bullying toughened me up and god knows- I needed it but now I have days where I feel invincible and nothing anyone else can say will get me down and others where the smallest thing will. Maybe I just bruise easily- I'm not sure. The colleague who I work with on Saturdays was really good about and he was telling me ii shouldn't get down about stuff a customer says which I know but I couldn't help it. He asked me why it had upset me do much and I couldn't answer because I didn't know, but reflecting on it later, I have come to the conclusion that this is in fact the reason for it. The bullies used to go on at me in the same aggressive way that customer did and maybe there was a trigger there. STOP AND STAND UP for yourself to the bullies.

Banter: to amuse or Abuse?

Now I do quite like a bit of good ole banter :) but sometimes I think it goes A bit far with the line between funny and just plain abuse / bullying getting very blurred ... yes most of the time it's funny and amusing and shows a fondness for the person but sometimes it gets misread and rather than laughing with you... People laugh at you but the person may not realise this and this isn't right. STOP AND STAND UP amusing not abusing . Don't laugh if the person in the middle isn't in on the joke as well. STOP BULLYING, STOP AND STAND UP!

Don't judge, get to know

We all have preconceptions about people when only having known them a few seconds based on their appearance, the way they speak or their attitude. This is something we can't help as humans but it doesn't mean our opinion of that person should stay that way. We should get to know before we judge, and not judge on superficial things or things that ca happened in the past. With bullies, you usually have to only say or do one thing an they will pick up on it and use that and any other thing they can against you. Recently I have had the experience of having gotten a totally wrong preconception of someone on both ends and I feel really bad afterwards... There's no guarantee what a person will be like based on their looks or what others say about them. So I encourage you to stop following the crowd's opinions about someone and make your own judgements about them. STOP AND STAND UP for getting to know people before judging them... What right do you have to do otherwise anyway? How would you feel if somebody took a dislike to you based on shallow preconceptions?

Originality

Jessie j has it... Lady gaga definitely has it and Bruno mars seems to have his own individual swag. So why is it that bullying seems to occur when people are being original and are not following the crowd. If your polo shirt is primark instead of hollister or your shoes are something other than vans or k Swiss, why does that matter? It matters because being different as many of us find out gives bullies a feature to pick on. The way we look, talk, smell, laugh, the things we like .. Hobbies, music, television shows. If you like something that's perceived by one person as anything other than cool, they can turn it against you and in to something negative when really its positive. Trying something different is always beneficial, it give us experience, being different is essential for everyone because of we aren't unique then really we are just robot like clones. My motto at the moment is go for it, what have you got to lose, this has been mainly useful for when it comes to men. I do t like playing games when I don't know where I stand and I don't want to get messed around and I think that's something that needs to be applied to every aspect of life. It will challenge you in the right way, help you make a difference to someone, possibly even the world. Don't let bullies ruin your uniqueness which is incredible. Stop and stand up for originality and inspire others to do so too.