Go at your own pace...

We have this tendency as human beings to look at everyone around us and compare them to our own. We look at the things that we don't have instead of appreciating what we do have. This isn't right. Be thankful for what you have, you don't know how long you'll have it for. I write this because sometimes I look at other peoples lives and find that they go out more than me or have more friends than me or for whatever trivial reason - their life seems better than mine. This was how I constantly felt when I was bullied but then I had reason too.now, I usually look at my life and feel incredibly satisfied with it - especially because I seem to have made substantial progress with my social life. I have gone from being someone who out of fear never wanted to go and mix with others, now I'm often the one out of my group of friends who organises some of our gatherings. I make things happen which I wish I had done in the past. I look at my life and think it's amazing and I might not go out every Friday and Saturday night but I do manage most Saturdays which is good by my standards. Yes occasionally I see those who use to bully me when I'm out and although sometimes they laugh at me - they are usually stunned at the fact im out and dressed up and look a million miles away from that shy , insecure girl they used to attack. Except, I'm not - I am the same girl, the problem they used to bully me for has pretty much gone away and I have more confidence and probably look less geeky but I'm the same person underneath. I have the life I always wanted and dreamed about for years so how can I be ungrateful for that?

The Fear.

Fears, I'm pretty sure everyone has them for some it's the fear of being alone, for others it's the fear of what others think. What's mine? Well i have a few - however my really big one is walking in to a room by myself especially one of crowded people or being told to get in to groups or pairs. This terrifies me because i get scared that i will be left by myself alone And wanted. These are my fears which stem from the bullying I also get scared of asking people things even the little things. This is because I was once ridiculed for pretty much everything I did and whatever said got taken the wrong way, whatever I did always seemed to be wrong. The things is I'm not scared of getting in to a group with people I don't know... I'm scared of being left alone. Im not scared of being myself, I'm scared of being labelled a freak. I know I should t be but we need to Stop & Stand Up for those who may feel left out and invite them in. You never know if the smile is real or fake, whether it's a brave courageous face or a confident face...

Should you change?

Bullying makes us feel like there is a part of us that is wrong and needs to be changed or altered in some way. Often we are self conscious about these things anyway and they have a negative affect on us. When I was bullied, I tried to change almost everything I could about myself to try and fit in with the popular crowd. Looking back, I now realise this was not the right way to go about things because I didn't need to change everything about myself. I didn't need to laugh less ( I laugh hysterically at almost anything), I didn't need to wear more make up to be prettier or starve myself to be skinnier. These people had already decided that they didn't like me so why was I trying so desperately to be accepted by them? Because I felt like I wasn't good enough the way I was. Nobody thats any good for you will ever make you feel like you are inferior to them or that you need to change for them. This applies to friends and partners. If they don't like you the way you are, you should never have to change for them. The people that are however worth it are the ones who dont want you to change but make you want to be a better person, a better version of yourself. I can honestly say that those I'm closest to; my parents, best friend, close friends and guy I like make me want to be a better person for them rather than completely change the way I am. Of course, I always feel I can change or improve things about myself but I'm not going to change just because someone who doesn't appreciate me for who I am says I should. Only change because you want to. Stop and Stand up for staying true to yourself